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To Make A Choice To Try

Dear Diary, I had a choice today; a simple choice that could make a huge difference in my life. I’ve been feeling like I don’t want to be here anymore for a few weeks now (not suicidal – just a wish to not exist). A feeling that if there was a magic button and I […]

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Feeling Bad

Dear Diary, Things feel for lack of a better word – weird. My OCD is not great and my depression is suffering right now. I don’t feel right and I don’t know why. I feel like I’m drowning in uncertainty. I feel like I can’t breath and like any second I’m going to crumble into […]

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Recovering From A Low

Dear Diary, After my epic birthday I crashed. Not as far as I sometimes go, but far enough to cause disturbance in my life. My OCD and insecurities have been terrible so much to the extent that I wouldn’t reply to an e-mail giving my photo and getting included in the school yearbook…yeah, I’m not […]

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My 18th Birthday

Dear Diary, Yesterday, or rather a few hours ago was my 18th birthday and I had an amazing time! This is my second birthday in lockdown and yet it was incredible. I woke up feeling really excited and then I was wished happy birthday by my grandparents (socially distant of course) and I returned home […]

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Sensory Problems

Dear Diary, I’ve been having what I think are sensory problems. My back, face and neck particularly are a soruce of great distress for me at the moment. My back feels especially uncomfortable and it being at a place that I can’t see and touch without a back scratcher or a mirror is only adding […]

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I Feel Defective

Dear Diary, DISCLAIMER: This is going to be a very depressing post. I’m feeling very negative surrounding my autism and differences. Today I feel bad. I feel guilty for saying this because it’s not very positive but it’s how I am currently feeling and so I’m going to share it. I feel like a mistake […]

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To Miss Out On A Normal Childhood For Whatever Reason

Dear Diary, On the 27th of March 2021 I will turn 18 years old – officially an adult and I have very mixed feelings about it. On one hand I’m excited to get birthday presents and cake. On the other, I feel a deep sadness. The sadness doesn’t stem from the fact that this is […]

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First Day Back At School After Lockdown

Dear Diary, Today I started back at high school. The morning resulted in me being very positive (with a minor dent in my positivity due to catching my appearance in my iPhone camera) and I saw my friend. Additionally I am exempt from wearing a mask – an exemption I ignored until it was stated […]

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Feeling The Panic Build – Dealing With Anxiety & Depression

Dear Diary, I am feeling nervous. For what? Perhaps due to residual stress having done an interview with a university, perhaps from lockdown or something else entirely, the result remains the same. I am beginning to lose it. I feel the panic in me rising and it’s an unpleasant feeling. I feel like a ticking […]

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COVID-19 Vaccine And “Looking Disabled”

Dear Diary, Today I got my first COVID-19 vaccine. A week or so ago I recieved a letter giving me an appointment for around lunchtime today, I was given the AstraZeneca vaccine and it didn’t hurt one bit. My problem however, was the way the woman who vaccinated me made me feel. I had brought […]

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